ATNCF: Chapter 137 Memories (Part Three)

 "And then? Did Father relent quickly?" Li Zhi reminisced, the image of Pei Yan already fuzzy in her mind. She could almost imagine his face, bearing a restrained expression reminiscent of Pei Ji, though she could hardly recall it clearly.

Though it was not yet noon, Empress Dowager Li seemed weary. Unwilling to halt, she wished to divulge everything, still striving to maintain her vigor, smiling faintly as she shook her head. "Ah, he, with his stubborn temperament. If I hadn't pressed him at every step, I fear he truly wouldn't have married me."

Li Zhi fetched a warm, damp cloth, gently dabbing at the Empress Dowager's cheeks to alleviate the dryness of winter, listening as she continued speaking.

...

The autumn of the eighth year of Zhaocheng.

With half a month remaining, Pei Yan was to depart Chang'an with Pei Shao, returning to Hedong. As the time drew nearer, invitations to feasts at the mansion arrived daily, everyone eager to seize the last opportunity to invite this promising hero to grace their gatherings.

In the preceding days, he would select a few important ones to attend, but now, regardless of their importance, he refused them all.

There was no other reason but that he would encounter Princess Shouchang every time he attended.

At the celebration banquet that day, she left with just those words, then departed on her own, seemingly not waiting for his response at all. Yet, her remark of "not fearing hardship" truly softened his heart and stirred him. Often, in the quiet of the night, he would recall her vibrant and resolute appearance at that moment.

How could he not want to marry her? Which young man wouldn't love a lofty princess? But he couldn't.

With reason prevailing, he could only suppress his desires.

Though she did not approach him actively at subsequent banquets, merely observing from afar left him unsettled. Helpless, he chose to keep his distance.

Being young, most military matters didn't require his decision-making yet. Thus, these days in Chang'an were mostly spent idle in the mansion. Consequently, he often went to the outskirts of the city to the training grounds for horse riding and archery.

On this afternoon, as usual, he rode out alone. Just as he reached the spacious Danfeng Gate Street, he was intercepted by two palace attendants beside a carriage parked by the roadside.

The carriage was exceptionally spacious and luxurious, a common sight from the palace. The attendants on either side clearly hailed from the court.

The sight made him involuntarily straighten his face.

"Pei Yan." A crisp voice came from within the carriage, followed by her stepping out and walking up to him.

"Your Highness." Pei Yan bowed respectfully, his attendants instinctively stepping back to give them space to converse.

"I've given you enough time to think. Have you made up your mind about my question that day? Do you want to marry me?" Hua Zhuang straightened her back, trying to appear casual and straightforward, though inwardly, she was nervous as a cat.

"Your Highness?" Pei Yan couldn't help but smile. He hadn't expected that her lack of initiative to seek him out these days was to give him time to reconsider. "That day, I made myself clear. I don't want the princess to endure hardships."

Hua Zhuang scrutinized him from head to toe, shaking her head repeatedly. "Your words are truly contradictory. You ask me to follow my heart, but my heart... my heart is, it's..." She blushed, then pretended not to mind, "Or perhaps you're just deceiving me, wanting to see me marry someone I don't like in the future, and you'd be happy then?"

"Your Highness," Pei Yan's eyes betrayed a hint of helplessness and reluctance. It seemed for a moment he wanted to take her to the palace immediately, to seek the emperor's permission for marriage. But as the words were about to leave his lips, he changed his mind. "I'm not joking. Most of the groom commandants of Great Wei are idle rich youngsters, taking on idle positions in Chang'an just to accompany the princess. But I'm far from Chang'an, serving in Hedong, unable to enjoy luxury and wealth here."

"Then go. If you're one of those who just want to indulge in pleasure under the guise of being a groom commandant, I don't want to marry you."

Pei Yan gazed earnestly at her, the fluttering in his chest intensifying. "Even if I were in Taiyuan, I would be away from home most of the time, perhaps even stationed at the border instead of Taiyuan. The borderlands are harsh and cold, much worse than Taiyuan, let alone Chang'an, Your Highness—"

"Enough with your explanations," she interrupted, "You seem to think that once I'm married, I won't endure hardships with my husband. But Great Wei is vast, every inch of land belongs to my Li family. If I can live in Chang'an, why can't I live in Taiyuan or the border cities? When the time comes, if you're stationed at the border, I'll build a house there, even if it's smaller. I'll visit you often. If I find it dull, I'll return to Taiyuan and be with your sisters. If I miss my father and mother, I can return to Chang'an. Why couldn't I endure a simpler life, with fewer delicacies and fewer luxurious clothes? " She patiently explained everything she had thought over these days to him, ensuring he didn't mistake her intentions for a passing fancy.

"Or perhaps," she continued, "you already fancy another lady, so you don't want to marry me?"

Pei Yan looked at her in astonishment, slowly shaking his head with a bitter smile. "How could that be? I've been in Hedong all these years, where would I meet another lady…"

Other than the sisters from his Taiyuan family, he had no female companions of his age. Over the years, the only young lady he could vividly remember was the princess, from an eight-year-old girl to the young woman she had become. They only met fleetingly once or twice a year, but she always left a deep impression on him.

All of this was beyond his expectations.

After hearing his words, Hua Zhuang felt somewhat relieved. Summoning her courage, she said seriously, "In that case, let me ask you one last time, Pei Yan, do you want to watch me marry someone I don't like, or do you want to marry me and protect me yourself?"

A silence fell heavy in the air, and Hua Zhuang felt nervousness overwhelming her.

A sixteen-year-old girl, almost staking all her princess dignity, revealing her last bottom line in front of him.

Who could resist such sincerity and directness?

After a long silence, Pei Yan's expression softened, and he looked at her tenderly, whispering, "I only hope the princess can give me a chance."

The girl's bright eyes slowly softened, revealing a radiant and lively smile. "Alright, I agree."

...

"It seems that all of this is thanks to Mother's persistence and decisiveness. Otherwise, I'm afraid we would have missed out on a good match," Li Zhi listened with a smile, feeling warm inside.

"Yes, thanks to my lack of fear of losing face back then. Once he sets his mind, he won't change it. That day, when he made up his mind to marry me, even if he faced obstacles, he never wavered," Empress Dowager Li said, gently patting her hand. "So when I saw Third Son leaving with you, I knew he had made up his mind about you and wouldn't easily change it."

Li Zhi also vaguely recalled the scene when she left the Daming Palace back then. In the blink of an eye, she was already over forty, having walked hand in hand with Pei Ji for more than twenty years, and their two children had grown up and married.

At that moment, Shu Niang cheerful voice came from outside, "Your Majesty is here."

Pei Ji took off his cloak and handed it to the palace attendant, striding in with a smile. "What are you all talking about? Why do I vaguely hear it's related to me?"

Li Zhi stood up to brush off the snowflakes on his eyebrows, pulling him to sit beside Empress Dowager Li. "Mother was talking to me about you and Father. She was just saying how much you resemble each other, and here you are." 

Pei Ji looked at his mother's tired and powerless appearance, trying his best to conceal his heartache. He said lightly, "That's natural, father and son, how could we not resemble each other?"

He spoke, wanting to inquire about Empress Dowager Li's condition this morning.

These days, he and Li Zhi had moved into Empress Dowager Li's palace. Except for the daytime court meetings, he almost always stayed here to take care of her up close.

But it seemed that no matter what, he couldn't halt his mother's gradual weakening.

Li Zhi nudged him with her hand, gesturing for him to stop talking and just listen to Empress Dowager Li.

He obeyed, staying silent and patiently listening to his mother reminisce about the past with his father.

As expected, the later events unfolded as they anticipated.

The young Princess Shouchang couldn't contain her inner joy and, upon returning to the palace, couldn't wait to express her feelings to her parents. Naturally, she faced strong opposition from her father—he couldn't allow his beloved daughter to marry a border general, no matter his family background or promising future.

On the other hand, her mother, after hearing her detailed account of the relationship, softened.

Such a good husband was indeed someone worth entrusting her to.

While father and daughter were at an impasse, Pei Shao happened to bring Pei Yan into the palace, criticizing his lack of teaching and claiming he wasn't worthy of the princess. Pei Yan then knelt outside the hall to beg forgiveness from the emperor, but instead of apologizing according to his father's wishes, he directly requested the emperor to marry the princess to him.

In the twilight, the emperor couldn't contain his anger and fiercely smashed an inkstone onto Pei Yan's arm, right on the wound that had just healed, causing it to split open again and blood to flow.

He remained silent, kneeling outside the hall until two hours later when the emperor ordered him to be forcibly escorted out of the palace.

The news spread, and everyone thought Pei Yan was conceited and arrogant, thinking he could marry the princess after defeating Dadu Khan, thus becoming the emperor's son-in-law.

Even after the Pei family left Chang'an, there was no sign of the emperor relenting.

Finally, it was Empress Li who couldn't bear her daughter's desperate pleas any longer. After discreetly gathering information about Pei Yan's character, she initially agreed and then persuaded the emperor, finally bringing about the marriage half a year later.

...

"At that time, no matter how I explained, some people always thought he took advantage of my youth and naivety, deceiving me in every way, to make me willingly marry him. But later, one year, two years, five years, ten years passed, and we still lived extremely well. On the contrary, many of those who gossiped didn't have an easy time." Empress Dowager Li was exhausted, her eyelids slowly drooping, her voice becoming quieter and quieter.

Pei Ji nodded, gently covering her with the blanket, and softly said, "Whether the days are warm or cold, only oneself knows."

Meanwhile, Li Zhi peeked out into the outer chamber, silently gesturing to her son not to come in and disturb his grandmother's rest.

Empress Dowager Li closed her eyes and murmured, "I don't know why, today I just wanted to tell you all about it. Now that it's done, I feel relieved."

No need to worry about not having the chance to say it later.

She kept these words in her heart, not saying them out loud.

Pei Ji and Li Zhi waited for her to fall into a deep sleep before quietly getting up and heading to the side hall, where they had tea and snacks with their son.

When they were alone, Li Zhi whispered, "I don't know why, but today Mother seems particularly different, like—"

She didn't finish her sentence; the tears she had been holding back for so long suddenly welled up.

Pei Ji's eyes were also tinged with red as he gently embraced her, interjecting, "—As if she wanted to say her final words, right?"

Li Zhi silently nodded, burying her face in his clothes.

Both of them felt a touch of sadness, quietly embracing each other without speaking much.

After a while, Pei Ji patted her back, gazing at the snowy scene outside the window, sighing, "Perhaps, it's for the best. Mother, she has longed for father for too long…"

...

Empress Dowager Li slept intermittently for seven or eight hours. She seemed to sleep very peacefully, but upon waking up, her body became even more frail.

In the following days, she grew weaker, speaking less each day while sitting on the bed. But whenever she could speak, she would always pull Li Zhi aside to reminisce about the old days with Pei Yan.

Watching her weak yet remarkably serene demeanor, Li Zhi and Pei Ji finally forced themselves to transition from initial bitterness and reluctance to acceptance.

Unable to stop the departure of a loved one, they could only cherish the final moments.

Several days later, Yuan Ying, who had been away in Yangzhou, finally rushed back.

Seeing her beloved granddaughter, Empress Dowager Li's last concern was finally put to rest.

The final departure came naturally.

On a tranquil evening, she lay on the spacious bed, surrounded by her closest relatives.

"Mother, say something to your son again."

It seemed she heard her son's voice. She laboriously raised her hand to touch her son's reddened eyes, trying to tug at the corners of her mouth, her voice as faint as a mosquito's, "Sanlang, open the window for me, your father is coming to take me away…"

The window was pushed open, and the winter chill rushed in, but she seemed unaware, only gazing at the gradually sinking sun outside.

As dusk fell, everything seemed to return to that day many years ago.

Her young and handsome husband dressed in wedding attire, joy evident on his usually inscrutable face.

He approached step by step in the twilight, standing at the foot of the stairs, reaching out to her.

"Hua'er, I've finally come for you."

She was filled with joy, extending her hand cautiously and placing it contentedly in his broad palm.

"Husband, you've finally come to take me away."

– End –

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